My Quiet Musings

The World Is Loud, Jesus Is Peace

These past days, I’ve been so caught up in life. Work has been so hectic, and honestly, it has been draining. Plus, to add to that, so many things have been happening around our society… so many social issues, corruption, poverty, crime, and even heartbreaking incidents like school shootings here in the Philippines. It can be overwhelming when we constantly see and hear about all these things happening around us.

And if you’re someone like me who tends to think deeply about things, and perhaps even considers some conspiracy theories to some extent, it can become even more draining. You open your social media, and somehow, your news feed seems to be filled with one negative thing after another because that’s what the algorithm keeps suggesting. Before you know it, you’ve spent hours consuming information that leaves your mind tired, your heart heavy, and your spirit unsettled.

Honestly, sometimes it affects me so badly that I find myself praying, “Lord Jesus, please come back already.

Not because I don’t appreciate this life, but because I long for the day when all of this will finally come to an end… when there will be no more corruption, hatred, crime, poverty, confusion, fear, or injustice.

I long for the day when there will be complete peace, genuine joy, and everything will finally be made right.

But there are also times when I choose not to let all these things consume me. I simply try to live my life, do what I need to do, spend time with the people I love, work, rest, pray, and intentionally step away from all the noise.

And I think that’s something we all need to learn.

We cannot carry the weight of the entire world on our shoulders.

There are things happening around us that we cannot control. There are questions we may never have answers to. There are injustices we cannot personally fix, and there are situations that are completely beyond our reach.

If we constantly keep our eyes on everything that is wrong with the world, eventually, we will forget to look at the One who is still in control of it.

That’s why, I am learning to fix my eyes on Lord Jesus Christ.

“We must keep our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete. He endured the shame of being nailed to a cross, because he knew later on he would be glad he did. Now he is seated at the right side of God’s throne!” – Hebrews 12:2, CEV

The bible verse reminds us to keep our eyes on Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it complete. And I think that’s such an important reminder in a world that constantly demands our attention.

Because the world will always have something to make us afraid. There will always be another headline. Another controversy. Another tragedy. Another political issue. Another heartbreaking story. Another reason to worry about what might happen tomorrow.

But Jesus remains the same. Yesterday, today and forevermore.

When Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on water, he was actually doing something impossible. But the moment he took his eyes off Jesus and started focusing on the wind and the waves, fear took over, and he began to sink.

Isn’t that sometimes exactly what happens to us?

We may start our day trusting God. We pray. We feel peaceful. But then we open our phones. We scroll through social media. We read the news. We see arguments, disasters, corruption, violence, predictions, theories, and everything that is wrong with the world.

And suddenly, our hearts begin to sink.

The storm may not have changed, but our focus did.

Peter’s problem wasn’t that the waves suddenly became more powerful. His problem was that he stopped looking at Jesus. And perhaps that’s what God is reminding me of lately.. Don’t spend so much time staring at the storm that you forget who is standing with you in the middle of it.

This doesn’t mean that we should become ignorant or indifferent to what is happening around us. We should still care. We should still pray for our society, for our leaders, for families, for victims of violence, for those who are suffering, and for those who are struggling.

But caring doesn’t mean carrying everything.

We can be informed without being consumed. We can acknowledge what is happening without allowing it to steal our peace. We can pray about the darkness without staring at it all day.

And most importantly, we can remember that this world is not our final home.

There is coming a day when Jesus will make all things new. A day when the things that break our hearts today will no longer exist. Until then, we may still have to walk through difficult seasons, confusing circumstances, and storms that we don’t understand.

But we don’t have to walk through them looking at the storm. We can walk through them looking at Jesus.

So, when life feels overwhelming, I want to remind myself to pause. Put the phone down. Step away from the noise. Take a deep breath. Pray. Open God’s Word. Spend time with Jesus. And remember that even when I don’t understand everything happening in this world, God is still God. Jesus Christ is still the same yesterday, today and forevermore.

I don’t need to know everything.

I don’t need to solve everything.

I don’t need to carry everything.

I just need to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Because when my eyes are fixed on Him, the world may still be chaotic, but my heart doesn’t have to be.

And until the day, He comes again and brings complete peace, I want to keep living faithfully, loving people, doing the work God has given me, and choosing hope even when the world gives me countless reasons to lose it.

The world may be loud, but Jesus is still my peace.

And when everything around me feels uncertain, I want to remember this, I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.

It Started With a Little Dream… Then God Made a Way

I have felt nothing but so much joy in my heart now, because, finally, one of my dreams has come true.

From the outside looking in, this may seem like such a simple and small thing. It is just a website. Just a domain. Just a little corner on the internet. But for me, this is a big dream.

My journey with websites actually began back in 2017. I started learning how to customize websites simply because I loved writing and being creative in my own weird way shall I say. I thought, it would be a beautiful avenue where I could share my creativity, my thoughts, and all the little musings that would sometimes find their way into my heart.

I had definitely no background in website building or customization when I started. I wasn’t even patient enough back then to sit through countless YouTube tutorials. All I really had was the willingness to click things, make mistakes, figure things out, and learn as I went.

And somehow, little by little, I learned.

I created my first free website on WordPress. Then another. Then another. Three websites, all with free domains. They may not have looked like much to anyone else, but each one taught me something. Each one was a tiny step toward something I didn’t even know I would eventually have.

Then, somewhere along the way, I had the opportunity to work with a client from the USA, helping her customize an e-commerce website. She trusted me even when I barely knew what I was doing. I only had a little knowledge at the time, but I had something else… a willingness to learn, to figure things out, and to keep trying even when I didn’t have all the answers. Her trust in me became one of those moments that quietly shaped my journey and reminded me that sometimes, someone believing in you can give you the courage to believe in yourself, too.

That experience taught me so much more. It made me realize that this little hobby I started years ago could actually become something I was capable of doing.

And somewhere in that journey, a dream quietly began to grow in me.

One day, I want to have my own domain.

Not a free one.

Something that I could truly call mine.

But I also knew that having my own domain and hosting meant investing money into it, something I couldn’t simply rush into. So, I waited. I kept learning. I kept creating. And I kept that little dream somewhere in my heart.

And now…

Lo and behold.

Fast forward to today, and I can finally say it,

I HAVE MY OWN DOMAIN,
christsgracemystory.com

I honestly still find myself smiling when I think about it. Because this isn’t just about owning a website. It reminds me of how God can take something that begins so small and slowly lead it somewhere I never imagined.

And what makes this even more meaningful to me is that God didn’t only provide the means for me to purchase the domain. He also used a very dear friend of mine as an instrument of His provision to help pay for the managed hosting from GoDaddy to WordPress. (Shoutout to ya, A! Thank you so much!)

That part makes my heart even more grateful.

Because sometimes, God answers a prayer through something we could never have arranged ourselves.

Sometimes, provision comes through people.

Sometimes, a dream takes years.

Sometimes, we don’t realize that all those little steps, failed attempts, free websites, lessons, mistakes, and seasons of waiting were actually preparing us for the moment when we could finally say,

Look what God has done.

I am more than happy. I am deeply grateful. And honestly, I am a little emotional about it. Because I know how long this dream has quietly lived in my heart. It may look small to someone else. But God knew how big it was to me.

And maybe that’s something I want to remember, not every dream has to look impressive to other people for it to matter. Some dreams are deeply personal. Some are born quietly. Some take years before they finally become reality.

And when they do, we realize that perhaps the waiting wasn’t wasted after all.

God was there in the beginning.

He was there when I was learning.

He was there when I didn’t know what I was doing.

He was there when I was creating websites nobody else probably cared about.

He was there when I started dreaming about having my own domain.

And He is here now.

It is now official.

This little dream has finally become real.

And I can only say,

Thank You, Jesus.

Thank You for providing.

Thank You for opening doors.

Thank You for the people You have placed in my life.

Thank You for allowing me to create.

Thank You for giving me the courage to keep learning.

And thank You for reminding me that even the smallest desires of my heart are not invisible to You.

“Do what the LORD wants, and He will give you your heart’s desire.” -Psalm 37:4, CEV

I don’t know where this little website will eventually lead me. I don’t have everything figured out. I don’t know how far this dream will go. But more than anything, I hope and pray that the people who come across Christ’s Grace, My Story will find something meaningful here.

I don’t want this to simply be another website filled with words. I pray that somewhere within these pages, someone will find a little hope when they feel hopeless, comfort when their heart is weary, or a reminder that they are not walking through life alone.

More than that, I hope and pray that what I share here will touch hearts, encourage souls, and perhaps even become a small part of someone’s journey toward knowing God more deeply.

My greatest desire is not for people to remember me, but to encounter Jesus Christ.

I pray that through the stories, reflections, lessons, and things I continue to learn along the way, someone might begin to seek Him, not merely as a distant God they have heard about, but as a loving Father they can know personally.

I don’t have everything figured out. I am still learning. I am still growing. I am still being shaped by God’s grace every single day. But perhaps that is exactly why I want to share this journey.

Because if God can meet me in the middle of my own questions, failures, waiting, growing, and becoming, then I believe He can meet you there, too.

May Christ’s Grace, My Story never be about me alone.

May it always point back to Him.

May every story lead to His grace.
May every lesson lead to His truth.
And may every person who finds their way here leave with a greater desire to know, love, and follow Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful for the opportunity Abba Father has given me to begin.

So, I will begin.

With gratitude.

With faith.

With Jesus at the center.

And with a heart that can only say..

Praise Jesus for everything.

What once started as a little hobby in 2017 has now become something I can finally call my own.

And perhaps, years from now, I’ll look back at this moment and realize…

this was only the beginning.

If even one person comes here and leaves knowing that God is real, that His grace is sufficient, and that Jesus is worth knowing…then this dream will have been worth it all.

In The Middle Of Becoming A Mother

Date Originally Written: April 30, 2026

When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming a mom to two wonderful children, a girl and a boy. I loved the idea of taking care of adorable little ones. I was too drawn to the idea, not fully realizing that raising children in reality is far too different from what I had envisioned.  

It was far more difficult than I ever thought. Providing for their needs and wants and trying to make ends meet while at the same time, giving them tender loving care, and yet being firm if needed. 

My dream did come true, but slightly in a different context.

Yes, I became a Mom to my two biological children, but they never came from my own womb. I am a Mom of my niece and nephew, whom I treat as my own. I love them so much. When they’re very little, it’s more of a fun, taking good care of them and tending to their needs. As they grew older, discovering more about themselves and how they wanted to navigate through life. It’s a fair share of challenge and fun. It’s not easy dealing with a 7-year-old child throwing tantrums here and there every single day, and it gets unbearable at times, and a 12-year-old who is starting to rebel against us. Honestly, oftentimes, I truly don’t know how to handle them. I was never prepared to be a Mom, more so, taking responsibilities that were never mine to begin with. 

I thought I had everything put altogether seeing how my parents raised me and putting into application what I’ve learned from them, but here’s the thing, what might have worked with me (e.g., corporal discipline, “a no is a no or else” concept) does not entail that it would also work with my children. It’s the opposite most of the time. There’s a generational gap between us. They don’t want to be told. They can’t be silenced even if they’re unreasonable. I tried to be so strict and firm, but it only made them not listen anymore. I truly don’t know what to do anymore sometimes. I know God is looking at us and listening to my silent plea, “I wish they would behave more.“

I love them so much. But sometimes, I wish it weren’t me placed in this situation, carrying responsibilities that were never originally mine, because deep down, I still feel like a child myself, just wrapped in a 32-year-old body.  I am also figuring out life and need to be cared for and loved, just like they do. It’s challenging to say the least. My daughter does things behind my and my mother’s backs, and I would take it as betrayal sometimes, and definitely, it hurts. One of the things that we don’t want her to do for now is to have a boyfriend because she’s very young. But still, she resisted.

And just today, I’ve learned that she has been visiting an explicit website for quite some time now. A part of me was angry. She’s too young for these things. I wanted to be strict, and yet I wanted to understand where she’s coming from. I, together with my Mama, had a discussion about it with her. She was denying it. And yet the truth was too obvious to be silenced. I knew this would come, but I just never thought it would be this early.

I was already told to be prepared for this. To do more research, and I did my part to some extent. I was just waiting for the right timing to share with her about the intimacy of two souls. Talking about this in a culture as young as hers is indeed a taboo. My parents never got to talk to me about it back then. Being the one responsible for sharing insights about intimacy feels awkward, especially when I’m talking to a very young mind like my daughter’s.

But here we are…

Though I wanted to be angry and reprimand her as much as I wanted. 

I wanted to extend grace towards her just like how Abba Father did towards us through Christ Jesus.

We are people with curious minds, which is why we often try to understand how things work, even to the point where we stumble and sin against God. Yet despite all of that, He still loves us the same.

Through Jesus Christ, we are forgiven, and He also guides us by giving us wisdom. 

Deep down, I am still upset with what I discovered today. However, I want to love like Jesus. I want to love my children the way Jesus Christ loves us. I want to be more gracious, compassionate, and understanding, even when it hurts.

I want my children to feel loved even when they fall, and to know that they can always get back up again. It’s not easy to love like Jesus, but I believe it is possible if I keep my eyes fixed on Him.

In the grand scheme of things, I realize that I am also like my children, reckless at times, and in need of someone greater who can remind me that even when I stumble, everything will be alright, and that I am not condemned. I am simply loved.

And in the middle of all the chaos, the questions, and the quiet tears that no one sees, I’m slowly realizing that motherhood was never about having everything figured out, it’s about showing up every day with a heart that is willing to be stretched, corrected, and softened by God and maybe it’s in these very moments when I feel unprepared, overwhelmed, and even hurt that the Lord gently reminds me that I am not raising them alone, that His grace covers not only their mistakes but mine as well, and that His wisdom is made perfect in my weakness, so even when I don’t have the right words, the perfect response, or the strength to keep going, I can lean into Him and trust that He is shaping all of us together, teaching us how to love, how to forgive, and how to grow in ways only He can. 

I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom, but I am now at a point in my life where I am choosing not to have one of my own. I have come to accept that the path God has allowed me to walk has already given me a real and meaningful experience of motherhood in ways I never expected. And even though it has been both beautiful and overwhelming, I trust that where He has me now is still part of His purpose for my life, shaping me, teaching me love and grace, and drawing me closer to Him in ways I might not have learned otherwise. 

“If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it will be given to you. God is generous and won’t correct you for asking. “ – James 1:5, CEV

“We love because God loved us first.” – 1 John 4:19, CEV

More Than Words

I was asked, “What is the one thing you love doing for God’s glory, that you are passionate about and will always pursue with joy, no matter what?”

I pondered this deeply, initially thinking that creating videos and designing graphics for God was my calling. These creative pursuits are indeed good and are God-given talents. However, I eventually realized that these were merely extensions of a deeper passion that had been with me since the beginning.

Reflecting on my journey, I now see clearly that the one thing I would love doing for God’s glory, the one thing I could do every single day with joy and passion, The one thing I would wholeheartedly safeguard from any distractions, is writing. Before I ever became part of the creative ministry, my first ministry was writing. 

Writing has always been my friend, and a trusted companion. While Jesus is my eternal friend, writing is the earthly avenue through which I express my heart and soul.

Being introverted and reserved, I often find it challenging to open up and confide in others. Writing became my relief, my way of venting and processing my thoughts and emotions. From childhood, writing has been my therapeutic outlet, a gift that God has graciously given me to navigate life’s complexities. And now, I am filled with a deep desire to write for God for the rest of my life. I want my words to serve as a testament to His love and grace.

Many might think that I’m writing and only a few people are reading it. But to me, that’s perfectly fine. I am not writing for the masses or for validation from readers. I am writing for God’s glory, and I trust in His timing. 

Sometimes, our writings take time to be discovered. Many renowned authors, like Anne Frank, whose diary “The Diary of a Young Girl” was only discovered posthumously, waited years for their words to reach the world. Her writings, once found, touched countless lives.

Similarly, it doesn’t matter if only one person reads my work or just a handful. What matters is that I am faithful in my calling to write for God. I am not writing solely for the present but also for future generations. Like a pebble thrown into the water, the ripples may start small, but they spread outward, touching many. My writings, though they may have a small impact now, will one day create a ripple effect. They will inspire, encourage, comfort, offer hope, and speak life to many.

I believe this will happen because my writing is not for self-glory but for God’s. Every word I pen is dedicated to Him, to uplift and glorify Jesus Christ.

“All wisdom comes from the Lord, and so do common sense and understanding” -Proverbs 2:6, CEV

With this wisdom, I will continue to write, trusting that God will use my words to bless others, now and in the years to come.

How about you, God’s beloved? What is the one thing you would love to do for God’s glory?

Better Is One Day in His Courts

“Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere.”

When I first heard these words during a preaching, they stayed with me. There was something about them that deeply touched my heart, and even now, they continue to echo in my mind and remind me of what truly matters.

When I look back on my life, I can see the trials, the countless tears, the disappointments, and the dreams that never came true. But despite all of these, I can still say with all my heart that I am blessed beyond measure.

Jesus Christ has been my constant companion through every high and low. In my happiest moments and in my darkest ones, He has been there. In His presence, I find comfort and strength. I know that no matter what happens, I am held in His loving embrace.

Indeed, better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere.

I think about how often we spend our lives chasing after things we believe will make us happy. We pursue degrees so we can have better jobs. We work hard to earn more money so we can buy a house, a car, travel to beautiful places, or afford the things we desire. There is nothing wrong with having dreams and goals.

But sometimes, when those dreams do not happen the way we hoped, we become angry, bitter, frustrated, and hurt. Sometimes, we even question God because the life we prayed for never came to be.

I have learned that there is so much more to life than the things we can achieve or possess.

We were created for a higher purpose. We have a divine calling. We are only passing through this world… here today and gone tomorrow.

This world is not our permanent home. Heaven is our home.

So, I asked myself,

What value do earthly treasures have if they are not aligned with the Father’s will?

Life is short. We often hear people say, “Do as much as you can because life is short.”

But what if you knew you only had one day left to live? What would you do with that one day?

As for me, I would spend it in His courts rather than a thousand days anywhere else.

I would want to seek God’s presence. I would want to fulfill the purpose He has given me. I would want to live in a way that pleases Him and cherish His approval above everything this world can offer.

Because at the end of the day, our worth is not found in our accomplishments, our possessions, our careers, our relationships, or the dreams we were able to achieve. Our true worth is found in our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

Better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere.

One day in His presence is worth more than everything this world could ever offer. In His presence, we find our true home, our true worth, our purpose, and eternal joy.

And I want to remember this always,

One day is a reminder of how brief life truly is. Life is short.

So, while I am still here, I want to spend my days seeking Him, knowing Him, loving Him, and walking according to His will.

“One day in your temple is better than a thousand anywhere else. I would rather serve in your house, than live in the homes of the wicked.” – Psalm 84:10, CEV

A Dream Deferred, A Home Promised

In 2019, I was presented with an incredible opportunity to live and work abroad in a country I had always dreamed of visiting. It felt like a door opening to something I deeply desired. But at that time, I lacked the means to pursue it fully. Reluctantly, I had to set it aside, convincing myself it wasn’t meant to be.

Fast forward to 2022, and to my surprise, the opportunity came back full circle. I was interviewed by a company in Canada, and by God’s grace, the CEO expressed a desire to hire me. However, there was a process to follow, only one person could be referred at a time to proceed with the application. Actually, I was referred alongside a friend who had been my classmate in college. She was already a step ahead in completing her paperwork, so I chose to let her go first. I encouraged her and the friend who recommended us, trusting that it was her time to move forward. Unfortunately, things didn’t go well on her end because of the societal issues that Canada is facing. It halted her application to advance.

For me, my dream of living and working in Canada remains just that, a dream. And maybe it will stay a dream forever. Yet, I’m filled with gratitude to God for the opportunity, even if it didn’t unfold the way I initially hoped.

This journey taught me something profound. Many of us have dreams of exploring the world, living abroad, and building a life in a place we imagine to be better or brighter. Sometimes, these dreams feel so close, almost within reach, but other times, they slip further away no matter how hard we try to grasp them. And that’s okay. Chasing dreams is not a bad thing.

But as we strive for our earthly aspirations, let’s not lose sight of a far greater reality, the eternal home God has prepared for us. A home where no pain, sorrow, or death exists. A place of unimaginable beauty and peace. As the Scripture says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love Him” 

The places we dream of visiting or living in on earth, no matter how wonderful, can never compare to the home God desires for us. It’s a place of perfect joy, created out of His deep love for us. In the pursuit of our earthly goals, may we never forget to anchor our hearts in the promise of eternity.

For our true home is not found here, it is with Him, where we will experience the fullness of His love and His best for us.

Lord Jesus said, ” There are many rooms in my Father’s house. I wouldn’t tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you.  After I have done this, I will come back and take you with me. Then we will be together.” -John 14:2-3, CEV

Dearest Abba Father and my Future Husband,

Here I am again, pouring my soul onto these words, because I have nowhere else to bring this weight, nowhere else to show the brokenness I often try to hide. I know You are here. I know You feel my emotions as these words I’m writing flow. I know You see me silently weeping, and You feel the heaviness pressed so deep within my heart. You know how many times I’ve wished to disappear, not because I truly want to be gone. The truth is, I long to be found. I long to be heard. I long to be understood. I long to be loved. To be embraced in a way that makes the broken little girl inside me finally breathe in peace. Abba Father, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for my flaws, my shortcomings and the ways I’ve hurt You.

Abba Father, I know I am not deserving, yet right now, if I may, may I ask You for something? Not for others, but for myself this time. May I ask Your will concerning marriage?

Abba Father, You know my heart. You know that marriage is not my idol, nor is it the source of my worth. For above all else, You are my first love, my top priority, the One I long to honor with every breath that I have. But still, I come before You, asking for Your will in this part of my life. I don’t want to step outside of Your plan, Abba Father. I don’t want to force a story You never wrote for me.

I don’t want marriage just because the world says it’s time, because so many my age, and even younger, are already walking down that aisle. I don’t want marriage just to fill an empty space, or to soothe the ache of loneliness, or to have companionship for its own sake. No, Abba Father. My heart pleads for something more sacred, more eternal. If I am to marry, let it be only because You have chosen it for me. Let it be because You have written a story that reflects Your love. Let my marriage become a vessel for Your glory. A place where my future husband and I can point to Jesus Christ, where our lives together testify of the Holy Spirit’s power and presence. Let it be a union orchestrated by You alone, so that even before we meet, and long after we are joined, our story will always tell of You.. of how good You are, how faithful You’ve always been.

Abba Father, if I may…

May I ask for a future husband who feels like home? Someone whose love carries the gentleness of Jesus Christ, someone whose presence reflects You so deeply that I can feel Your nearness through him.

Lord, You alone know the story of my life. You have seen every chapter.. every wound.. every scar.. and every tear. I may be 32 now, but inside me still lives the broken, wounded child who longs to be safe, to be held, to be loved without fear and reservation. And You were there… You saw it all.

You saw me as that little girl of five, trembling in silence as my parents fought, too afraid to speak, too small to protect myself and my Mama, watching Papa threatened Mama with a knife. Though, I have long forgiven him and love him dearly, pieces of that night still live in me.

You remember when I was in third grade, how Papa’s drunken anger forced us into the darkness, running barefoot, hiding in the woods nearby just to escape the storm of his rage. And You remember the rainy night when I was twelve, when his anger rose again, and I ran through the rain to my uncle’s house, desperate for help. And You saw me in high school, Abba Father. You saw my heart break as Papa dragged Mama across the floor during another fight. By the time I was in my third year, I dreaded the months of August through November, because I knew the pattern. I knew there would be pain.

And it hurt me so deeply, because I loved them both more than words could ever say. I knew Papa carried his own brokenness too, his own inner child who had been wounded in ways I will never fully know. Even then, even through the fear, I loved him. I always loved him. But those nights carved something deep in me. At such young age, they taught me to pray that I would never marry a man bound by drunkenness or vices. I knew too well the destruction they bring. I saw the way it crushed Mama, the way it scarred me, the way it wounded Papa himself. That is why, even under so much pressure, I waited. I chose not to marry just anyone, because I wanted to protect the child in me who could not protect herself back then.

And so, here I am, Abba Father, laying this desire at Your feet. I don’t ask for riches, I don’t ask for status. I only ask, if it is Your will, may I have a home this time? Not merely a house, but a true home. A place of safety, of peace, of laughter, of prayer. A place where I don’t need to flee at night out of fear. A place where love heals instead of wounds.

And if I must walk through fire before that day comes, if I must be molded, broken, refined, then let it be so, Abba Father. I will endure it, if only to be made ready to love well and to cherish the home You entrust to me. But only if You see fit. Only if You will it.

Here I am, Abba.. Your daughter. Still waiting. Still hoping. Still trusting.

And to you..

My Dearest Future Husband,

There are so many things I want to tell you, yet my heart knows it must wait for God’s perfect time. Until then, I write these words as a promise, a prayer, and a piece of my soul that belongs only to you. I’ve chosen to let go of anything that would block the flow of God’s living spring within me. I want to be a vessel of His light and His love, so that when our paths finally cross, I will be ready to love you with a heart shaped first by Him. With all I am, I cry out, “More of You, Lord! More of You in me, until I am full enough to pour into the one You have chosen for me.”

If I could imagine us now… You would be Abraham, and I would be Sara. Or you would be Isaac, and I would be Rebecca.. an answered prayer.

I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh. Made from your rib, Adam. And when we finally meet, it will be as though we’ve always known.. Like electrons drawn to their nucleus, Bound together in a way no one can divide. We’ll even speak the same heavenly math.. 1 + 1 + 1 = 3… yet in Him, it becomes 1.

You, my love, were created in His image, But with a heart that reflects, projects, and detects the Son. If I were to describe you, I’d say you look like a star. A son of the Son. Your light will warm me, strengthen me, And in your presence, I will bloom. Like a flower leaning toward its sun for photosynthesis

I wait for you with patience and hope, because even from Genesis, I was made to wait for you. And when you come, I will know you. Because when you speak, I will hear Solomon’s wisdom. Your leadership will echo Moses. Your faith will remind me of Abraham. Your confidence in God’s Word will reflect Daniel. Your courage will carry Paul’s inspiration. Your heart for God will beat like David’s. Your attention to detail will mirror Noah’s. Your integrity will shine like Joseph’s. Your surrender will remind me of the disciples. But most of all, your selfless and unconditional love will remind me of Christ Himself. I won’t need to search for signs in Matthew or Mark, Because His Word will be tatted all over your heart. And you will know me, and you will find me,

Where Esther’s boldness meets Ruth’s devotion. Where Lydia’s hospitality joins Mary’s gentle submission, And where Hannah’s prayers water the soil of my faith.

I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31, waiting just for you.

Yet before I wait for you, I wait first for Him. To my Abba Father.. the One who formed me before I was born. I whisper, “Your will above mine.”

So even if my life is to be lived in singleness, I will remain content, because Jesus Christ has already loved me with the greatest love story ever told. He is my first love, my eternal bridegroom. My Judge and my Savior. And I am forever His witness. But if His will is for us to find each other, then I will hold your hand with joy. And I will walk with you in the love that He has written for us.

Until then, my beloved, forgive me… 

Forgive me if in this earthly timeline, I tarry. Forgive me if there are broken pieces in me He is still mending. Forgive me if I wrestle with feeling unworthy of love, If I sometimes feel not enough. But know this, I am learning, healing, and surrendering.

Day by day, He shapes me, softens me, and prepares me. Though I may not be perfect, I trust that in His timing, I will be ready. Ready to be your partner, your helpmate, your encourager, your safe place also… and most especially, the keeper of your home.

I am waiting for you like a watchman, with hope and with love.

And when the day comes, I pray we’ll look at each other and know, Without doubt, without fear. This is the one my soul has prayed for.

Until that moment, I keep you close in prayer, and hold your name in the quiet places of my heart.

Forever waiting,

Forever yours,

W

“Someone might be able to beat up one of you, but not both of you. As the saying goes, “A rope made from three strands of cord is hard to break.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12, CEV

Dear Jesus Christ (an open letter about my brokenness)

As I pen these words, tears stream down my face, each drop a testament to the depths of my sorrow. I have just taken my communion and recited the “Lord’s Prayer,” and my heart is breaking as I find myself alone once again. The ache of losing the beloved person I once shared these sacred moments with feels almost unbearable. But Lord Jesus, no matter the storm that rages around me, I will praise You. I will worship You through my tears and sorrow, even if I must do it alone.

Lord Jesus, above all else, I am Yours. Here I am, offering all that I have, my brokenness. It feels so little, so unworthy, but it is all I can give because it’s all that I am. I lay myself at Your feet, knowing that You deserve so much more. You are beautiful, You are precious, and yet You take me as I am. Everything I have is Yours, Lord Jesus.

Moving forward feels like an insurmountable challenge, but for You, I will strive to overcome. I cannot give up, for You have never given up on me. Give me the strength to endure, to stand firm in faith, even when my heart feels like it might shatter. Be with me in this painful moment, for I cannot bear it alone. As I spill my heart, I want You to know that I love You so much, but I know You love me even more like You spilled Your blood for me.

Lord Jesus, I need You now more than ever. Strengthen me, comfort me, and bring joy to my weary heart. Take the anger that resides within me and replace it with Your boundless love. Be with the person I have loved whom I lost, for he too needs Your presence, grace, and Your love.

Forever Yours, every beat of my heart is dedicated to Your glory!

Christ’s Grace, My Story,

W